dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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