K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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