That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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