We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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