sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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