I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
