Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
