what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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