I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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