I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
