I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
