Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
