Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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