Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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