Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
