The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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