i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
