6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
