i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
