he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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