I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
