I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How many fucks given?
0.12846
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize