I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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