You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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