You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
