Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
