Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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