he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
