As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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