drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize