You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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