My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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