I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
