So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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