I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
