Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
