wakey wakey hands off snakey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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