can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize