You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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