They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
