Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
