I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
