True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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