what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
