Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
