just come out here and I will go home with you...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dick has a subreddit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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