hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
