He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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