dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
