Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize