Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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