dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
