Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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