dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
