At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
