He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
