I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
