She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
