Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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