Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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