his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
