They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
