Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
